Saturday Morning Randomness

I have a six figure salary if you count the decimal point....

Why does the freeway have pay tolls....

I love my job if that I love not being there counts....

Why do the morons and evil people get all the high paying positions....

Days of Our Lives sure has gotten boring....

Why are there no good movies for months and now I want to see SIX....

Why does the tallest person in the city always get seated in front of me....

Why do I keep watching Days of Our Lives when it's been boring all year....

Why don't any of my friends live in walking distance anymore, I miss that....

How come a bad cold makes you feel like you've got a hangover, with none of the fun of getting there....

I want Lynda Carter and Bernadette Peters to record a duet....

I've been sick for a week, and I really want a Cosmo!

I wonder what Drew Barrymore is doing right now....

How do I get a travel show? I'd be an excellent host. Travel Channel, hey, it's me, Steele, South America, great pair here...

You Got A Dame

Last night I made my first foray to the Symphony. Okay, the catch was Bernadette Peters was performing wth the SF Symphony, but still - it was the Symphony. First I have to say what a beautiful building! I had no idea it was so huge inside. I don't know how many people the facility holds at capacity, but the layout obviously leaves not a bad seat in the house. Well, unless there's a performer. There are seats behind the stage, which are great for a musical performance, last night they saw Miss Peters' rear most of the night. There aren't many venues where one actually gets dressed up to go out for an evening - the Symphony is definitely one of these rare occasions. During the "intermission" ( I say this lightly because there was a conductor led musical performance of five songs before Miss Peters began her portion of the evening), I enjoyed a glass of champagne from the balcony terrace, enjoying the beautiful summer night in San Francisco and admired the design on top a building that I've only viewed at ground level in the past. They just don't make buildings like they used to. Following her overture, yes, she had an overture!, Miss Peters came out and delivered an evening of spectacular song and performance. She brought the house down with a one woman performance of a song from 'South Pacific', I don't know the exact title, but "You Ain't Got A Dame" is usually performed by the men in the show, her take was spectacular. She even came down to the audience and nearly gave an older gentleman a heart attack has she sang ON him. MIss Peters followed "Dame" with a great rendition of "Fever", sprawled out over the Grand Piano. I knew the performance would be fantastic, but until you've seen her in person, you don't have a concept of what a powerhouse voice she really has! The 90 minute performance certainly left me wanting more.

More Flags, More Fun! SHUT UP!

This by far has got to be the most annoying commercial I have ever seen in my life! I turn the sound off when I'm watching live tv. I can't hit the forward button fast enough when watching shows on the dvr. This guy comes on screaming at me in broken English. He's the most irritating person since Gilbert Godfried. Six Flags, Marine World, I can honestly say this ad campaign is the single reason I have NOT and will NOT be going this year! While I'm complaining, we could you drop the whole Six Flags thing and go back to Marine World, Africa USA. Oh hell, for this guy screaming at me, you've earned it:

Dear Marine World,

FU


Sincerely,

Gardenia & Woods

All Juiced Up!

I had to avoid all the obvious puns for the title: 'Angel of the Cornfield', 'Queen of Corn', 'The Sweetest Corn' and so on. What am I talking about? Juice Newton performed at the Brentwood Corn Festival this past Sunday! While the venue was not stellar, the performance didn't miss a beat. Juice can still belt out songs like 'Angel of the Morning' and 'Break it to Me Gently', even at a venue where most of the people appeared to be in a corn-induced-trance, staring off into space, not appreciating what this outstanding singer/musician had to offer. With an unresponsive crowd, save for me and the woman in front of me, Juice put on a full 90 minute concert performing classic hits like, 'Queen of Hearts', 'The Sweeting Thing', 'Love's Been A Little Bit Hard On Me', and newer foot stompers like 'Red Blooded American Girl' and 'They Never Made it to Memphis'. Juice continued to make jokes and speak to the lack luster crowd, showing was a true and gracious performer she it. I thought the show might be shortened fro the venue or because of the crowd, but it wasn't. After the concert Juice signed autographs and graciously took photos, as she has always done when I've seen her in the past. It's been eight years since I last saw you perform, Juice, your show was like an old friend, come back to share a few tales and belt out some fine tunes.

It Works!!!

The Tide to Go Pen is awesome! I am completely amazed by this product. I've used it before for some minor things, but today, today was the Tide to Go Pen Test. I was on my way to a training class this morning - it's summer, I don't have to dress for work, so I'm wearing shorts and a white pull over shirt. I arrive at the training site, take my last swig of coffee and immediately go into a sneezing fit...leaving coffee all over the entire right side of my upper body. Great. Knowing the Pen wouldn't clear up my shirt, but hoping to at least look like less of a mess, I began rubbing the pen all over myself. It worked. IT WORKED! Sure, I walked in completely wet and practically see through in my white shirt, but after it dried - the coffee stains were gone!!!! I'm not talking a few drops, I'm talking a mouthful of coffee, from shoulder to belt. GONE!!!! This product is AMAZING! Get it! Keep it in your car!!! It's a total life saver!

Atta Girl, Kathy!

Saw Kathy Griffin last night at the Concord Pavilion - okay, okay, the Sleep Train Pavilion (what a dumb ass name), anyhow - not only does my face still hurt from laughing, but my wish came true: she made fun of Tracy!!! She made fun of Tracy - right there, live and in person, for my viewing pleasure - Kathy, I love you!!!!!

The Sprummer of Music continues.....

I started, to myself, calling this the summer of music. Then realized it started in the spring. Now I've dubbed it the Sprummer of Music. I've enjoyed some new acts, been thrilled with some known, and amazed by some not known for their musical abilities. One new discovery (for me) is Spencer Day. He put on an outstanding performance at the Rrazz Room in San Francisco - my new favorite place by the way. Not only was his singing fantastic, but his association with audience was great as well. I felt like I was sitting with on old friend, enjoying a cocktail, or two, while he performed. After the show he did a meet and greet, and signed cd's, which is always a nice touch.

My second discovery is Darren Romeo, aka, The Voice of Magic. Darren has performed on Broadway and has a singing background, but he's also a musician. Currently presented by Sigfriend and Roy, Darren put on a very unique show combining his two loves: music and magic. What the audience gets is a spectacular magic show and a concert - rolled into one. Darren sang standards, like Bobby Darin's 'Dream Lover' and some original music as well. After the show, Romeo did a meet and great as well, and was so cute when he was apologizing to me because the show was scaled down from his Vegas act to fit the Post Theatre venue. Guess I'll have to see him in Vegas someday.

My final word - check 'em out! You're in for a real treat with either one of these gentleman.

Firecracker on the 4th of July!

I couldn't wait for the 4th of July to FINALLY get here! I had these tickets to see Reba for months, months that felt like an eternity. I had seen Reba before, but felt this time I was getting my first "Reba concert". The first time I saw her she was on tour with Brooks and Dunn, so it was only a 45 minute solo set - amazing none the less - in fact, she even popped up 5 feet in front of me in the upper level at Arco Arena - what a surprise! Sadly, for my friend who came with me, he got up to get a beer at that moment - comes back and finds Reba in his seat! The second time I saw Reba, was even more amazing, it was the year she did her show as a Broadway musical - does anyone remember that? I wish it were out on DVD, so unique. I wish she'd do it again!
So, it's finally show time - I'm wondering who if anyone will open the show. I knew Melissa Peterman had opened for Reebs, earlier in the year, and was just hoping....sure enough! Melissa Peterman opened the show - and she is hysterical! I was laughing so hard. I would see Melissa Peterman on her own! Melissa kept referring to Reba as a firecracker, which was appropriate for the holiday. Finally Reba comes out, and delivers as expected. Then the next big surprise came. I expected Reba to perform 'Because of You', by herself. Nope. Kelly Clarkson came out and performed the duet with her. The audience was screaming - I remember shouting "shut up, shut up". Then Melissa Peterman came out again for some more great comedic interaction with Reba, walking out with a 3 foot high 4th of July card she made for Reba. Melissa asks Reba to hold her beer, then says "It's the Queen of Country holding the King of Beers". The whole Melissa Peterman routine was that she was stalking Reba since the show was cancelled - and they are best friends, just not the kind where Melissa knows where Reba lives, because Reba told her she doesn't need to know where she lives, she lives in her heart. This was truly the performance to see! Maybe I can follow Melissa, following Reba.....

Guest Blog #2

This is from my dear friend Angie, I found it so funny. Maybe because I remember some of this, but I had to share:

Fashion Police...You've got the right to remain hideous!!!!
For those of you who don't know...Jennifer (one of my best friends) and I used to terrorize the streets of downtown Sacramento by playing Fashion Police on
our lunch hour. It typically went something like this...we would speed down J Street in Jen's Honda, music usually blaring Elton John and Kiki Dee's "Don't Go
Breaking My Heart", Jen frantically hitting the car horn, while I hung out the window and SCREAMED WOOOWOOOWOOO...FASHION POLICE...WOOOWOOOWOOO
at unsuspecting passersby who were in violation of our strict guidelines of fashion Do's and Dont's. It sounds mean...I know. But to get a citation you had to REALLY
deserve it. I'm talking fat men in bike shorts, belly T's and knee socks. Haul him off to jail RIGHT now.

God I miss you Jen...the streets just aren't the same without us.

Anyway, though I've long since hung up my fashion handcuffs, I still find the yearning to occasionally slap them on someone for a variety of reasons. I've never
made it a secret that I LOATHE people who go to Walmart in their sloppy pj's and dirty house slippers...slogging their way down the aisle taking up ALL the room
with their mouths gaping open like some kind of dazed zombie with baby fish mouth. Ggggrrrrrrrr. There's also my genuine distaste for people who wear clothes
that they are too fat for and shoes that just don't fit or aren't worn properly. By the way...I had a yard sale this weekend and saw examples of ALL of these things
...I almost asked them to get their slacker asses OFF my lawn. If you can't be bothered to tie your shoes then wear a friggin' pair of flip flops...don't slide your feet
in to dirty white sneakers and smash down the backs with your TOO BIG feet that hang over the back edge of the shoes...and for CHRIST'S sake...PICK UP YOUR
FEET. But I digress...

All of these things are no-brainer faux pas. But what I saw at the gym the other day had me reeling. As I exited the locker room and made my way to my fave
treadmill at the gym I saw a woman who's outfit really caught my eye. Anyone who has spent any time at a gym will see a variety of ensembles. They can range
from super sporty and chic to holey t's and raggedy sweats. I'm somewhere in between as I stick to my own rule of not wearing things I'm too fat for (hence the
gym membership) and I don't want to traumatize the poor guy who gets the machine behind me. Back to the lady...now I realize that there are women who go to
the gym more to be seen than to actually work out but this woman really took the cake (not really...she was so skinny I'm sure she hasn't ate cake since banana
clips were in). There she was, daintily perched high up on the stairmaster, lightly stepping making sure not to break a sweat or ruin her makeup, hair cascading
down her bare back, and wearing...ready for this...A MINI SKIRT. Yep...a mini skirt. I thought the old man slinking as far down in his seat on the nearby stationary
bike was going to have a thrombo.

In what INSANE world does a woman get ready to go work out by donning a washcloth sized skirt and head for the tallest workout machine you can possibly
get?! The world of tramps and sluts I guess...I won't be moving there any time soon. Yes, she was very attractive and has a nice body but that doesn't mean
I want an up close and personal view of her ass cheeks while I'm walking by. If that's her way of getting attention or scoring a date then I feel sorry for her and
for all woman kind.

Fashion police verdict...guilty of public indecency and downright slutty behavior.

Moral of the story is...pj's and bedroom slippers (CLEAN ONE'S) belong at home, size 8 isn't appropriate when you're a deuce, your feet belong IN your shoes
not ON them and mini skirts are just downright sexy...when you're AT A CLUB...not when you're teetering way up high faking a workout at the gym.

This has been another insane random observance brought to you by sweetassgal!

Updates....

Wisconsin is still stalking me, but down to once a week. I have an idea Wyoming! Change your ad campaign to something like this photo here! ha ha!

Marsh Creek. Well, since I wrote the different agencies I have gotten one no reply, and two saying it was someone else's responsibility to monitor Marsh Creek. With the finger pointing, nobody is watching it, four new crosses have gone up, one with a large number 52 posted on it, and last week I spent 30 minutes just sitting in one spot, when I finally moved up, it was due to a head on, and an one overturned vehicle....