Casio Exilim: RIP

We had a good run together. No, a GREAT run. Eye-to-eye we viewed the beaches, the countryside and busy streets of Brazil. We even trekked into the Amazon and marveled at the majestic Manaus Opera House. We felt the mist of Iguazu Falls and danced the Tango on the streets of Buenos Aires. We felt the heat in Miami and the winter chill in Vancouver. We gazed at the lights of Broadway and celebrated with friends. Finally our journey has ended. But uh, could you have picked a different time to crap out than when with a celebrity!!! The picture above is with Charlotte Rae (Mrs. Garrett on the 'Facts of Life'). I bid you a fond farewell, and alas, have replaced you with a newer model! A shiny red one.

Save Cristián!

So this is my very first shameless posting of the male form!!!
Don't forget to vote for Cristián de la Fuente on 'Dancing with the Stars' so we can keep seeing more of this Chilean hunk!!
Shameless posting over. Oh, you love it!

Fabu: Defined

So some of you have asked: Who or What is a Fabu? To begin, in some parts of the world she is legendary. No, it's true. Go to the south of Brazil and ask any Brazilian on the street about the Legend that is Fabu! Her tales are known far and wide. On the homefront, she is my bestest, most favouritest...let me pause here for a moment; when referring to Fabu, it is proper to use improper English, because there are few words to describe her FABUlousness (get it!) - so, back to the original thought now - she is my bestest, most favouritest, most FABUlous friend in the entire midwestern region of the United State of America. YA! Some people go to Denver to ski, to hike, to rough it; those in the know, go for Fabu and Deb's Pub, the bar in her house, where everyone really does know your name. I know, now you're asking "Is that her name?". I know this because some of you have said or written, "Is that her name?". A little back history, Fabu and I got off work at 1:30 in the afternoon. 1:30 was our 5pm, seeing as how we got up at 3! Yes, we all ready had lunch and raised unholy hell throughout the entire downtown area before most people ever hit the snooze button on their alarm clocks! Back to the thought....as a result, we were often, well, trashed by 2:30, especially on Thursdays, or as I like to call it, Friday Eve. One ngiht (it was OUR night, so shut up!) during our enlightened state, I was trying to say her last name, and it came out as "Fabu", and stuck to her like glue. Now, something else you should know, in Denver my friends call me Fox or Foxxy. Fabu calls me Foxxy Baby! In that moment, Foxy and Fabu were born. Oprah, if you're reading and looking to expand your empire, doesn't Foxy and Fabu have the ring of a morning show? And now, those of you who didn't know, know. You have been enlightened. I dare you to partake in the Foxy and Fabu experience! Shots, all around!

SNAPSHOT!

This is my life without Fabu....

Wyoming, The Stalker State

I am being stalked by the state of Wyoming! No, seriously! Over the past four weeks, I've received about two mailings a week to come Visit Wyoming. Last week I got something everyday. Today, I'm not kidding here, today I received FIVE pieces of mail urging me to vacation in Wyoming! Come to Jackson Hole. One piece of mail was a large envelope with a bunch of fliers inside. They've spent nearly enough on postage to just bring me there and let me spend my money on dining and other local places!! Why the sudden desperation to have visitors come to Wyoming? I assure you Wyoming, you are not forgotten. And I am happy to tell you, I've driven through you twice! I know you're there. Please stop sending me mail everyday.

The Shelf Life of Milk

As I read the expiration date on a gallon of milk....two weeks from today, I couldn't help but think: this just isn't right.
What is going into my body that I don't want there? Of course, I decided to do some online investigating. In 1987 it was a big deal when the New York City Board of Health extended the shelf life of milk from 96 hours to 9 days (source: New York Times, April 13 2008/July 27, 1987) following pasteurization. An array of issues from sanitation, processing and storage came into play and the Department of Health got involved. According to the NY Times, a statement from the National Dairy Council claimed that fresh fluid milk kept at 40 degrees Fahrenheit has an approximate storage life of up to 20 days. In Brazil the milk lasted two days. Every two days I would go to market and purchase two quarts of milk. Two quarts of delicious milk that hasn't been chemically altered to last longer. Okay, it wasn't straight from the cow, but, it was fresh, tasty, pure milk! I miss that taste! I understand it's similar in Europe, though I don't know the exact shelf life. I'd purchase a package of cheese, containing only 5 to 6 slices every couple of days. Yogurt, slightly different than yogurt in the U.S. and oh so tasty. Why can't we have options like this in the U.S.? I want the choice of not dumping chemicals, preservatives and additives into my body. And I should have that choice at a price I can still afford. I remember when I lived in San Francisco I did get some milk as a special treat once in a while from....oh what was that store...on Nob Hill... anyhow, it was like $5.00 for two quarts. Yikes!

If you are interesting in the process of extending milk's shelf life, you can check www.extraordinarydairy.com, or do a search for more information.

Sunroof...Moonroof

I've noticed lately that some automobile companies refer to a sunroof and some refer to a moonroof. After car shopping myself yesterday, I ran across this again, and of course, had to look it up. One thing I learned, there is literally a website for everything. Seriously, in another window right now I have sunroofs.org open! Can you believe it! There's a need for sunroofs.org. So what is the difference betwen a sunroof and a moonroof. Today, nada. I verified this on several websites. Moonroof is a term introduced by good 'ol Henry Ford in the 70's. Taken from sunroof.org (wow, three plugs here!): Sunroof is the generic term used to describe an operable panel in a vehicle roof which can let in light and/or air. Moonroof is a term created by Ford in the 70's, yet is now used generically to describe glass panel inbuilt electric sunroofs.
As a second source, here's Wikipedia's answer, abridged of course: Historically, European factory installed sunroofs have been opaque, and slide open to allow sunshine and fresh air into the passenger compartment. Most factory sunroofs offered today feature a glass panel, and are often referred to as moonroofs, a term introduced by Ford in the 1970s.
Variations have become the norm in both factory installed and aftermarket offerings, creating a wide range of features and choices.

Passwords

Can the universe just have a uniform password requirement! Please! I mean, I try to keep the same one, and just when I THINK I've got an all purpose one figured out - here comes one that requires six digits. Then six digits but one must be a number. Then seven. Then eight. Then nine, one character must be a number, three must be a foreign language not known by anybody close to you or who has ever served you coffee in the past twenty years and must be enconded, not able to be typed by your cat when (s)he walks on your laptop while your scrambling through your list of 97,324 password codes you've created. That's all.

Ten Things That Make Me Laugh

So, I'm my own guest in this blog! This is a copy and paste from Myspace:

(in no particular order)

Warning: May not make sense if you aren't part of it or haven't heard about it

1: The Dance-Off (and that entire night) in Vancouver

2: Gardenia & Woods

3: Tyler and Patrice

4: Naza and Rita

5: Running across the boarder from Paraguay to Brazil (not funny at the time)

6: Nights out with Giuliano and the phrase "I got a new cell phone"

7: The time Anne Marie and I were the freaks

8: That Saturday in Puerto Rico, "Holy Shi*!"

9: All my birthdays in Brazil (my friends are crazy)

10: Drunk with Fabu, a 20ft Gumby and the Mercedes

Red Light Runner's Piss Me Off To No End

Here's one of those rants I mentioned would come in my first blog. What is the deal with RED LIGHT RUNNER's!! They piss me off to no end. I mean seriously - I want to ask these a**holes what makes them so special. And I'm not talking about going faster to make the light while it's still yellow - I'm talking the deliberate, 'I-am-above-the-law' runner's. First of all, they rarely get caught. If they did - I wouldn't see this problem on a DAILY basis. I know some are just arrogant bastards and some just chose not to read. I used to work in this one area, where there was clearly a "keep this area clear" spot on the road - written in the six foot tall letters with the giant white lines framing it. Nearly every day I would have jackas**es honking at me because I was obeying the law. I even saw a guy shaking his fists at me one time. THE LIGHT WAS RED JERK!! Today, as with many days, there is clearly a 'no turn on red sign' at an intersection near my current home - yet, people who are above the law, constantly run it. The best one is when your light has turned green and one...two...three...four cars are still going from the previous green. Really, I want to ask these people who they think they are! One time a red light runner totaled my car, after his Titanic of a vehicle shoved me into the intersection, where I smashed into another car, that smashed into another car. My seat broke, I flew up and hit the winshield. Ya, I had the seatbelt on, but the seat broke!! I don't know what happened to the gal that was taken away strapped down to a stretcher, but as for me, well, I lost my car and got no insurance for it. You see, I had to choose between school books and car insurance that month - couldn't do both. I lost my car, couldn't go to school, spent two weeks in bed in drugs and six months at the chiropractor. You know what his excuse was - he said he "didn't have time to stop". But causing an accident and ruining lives was a viable option!!! A time saver!! I wanted to beat that muther fu**er with my tennis racket, but I couldn't find the trunk of my car to get it! So if you're a habitual red light runner who happens to be reading this - think about the lives you can ruin because your'e apparently above the law. If you're a habitual red light runner who happens to be reading this - please tell me why you pepole do this sh**. Anyone else, feel free to comment or share your tales. This is an epidemic that must be stopped!!! These people must pay!

image taken from www.ci.berkeley.ca.us

Where'd That Come From Anyhow?

Do any of you watch 'The Bad Girls Club'? Oh admit it - it's a guilty pleasure! I haven't seen past seasons, but this one just amuses me to no end. Especially Tanisha! Did you see the episode with her birthday in it? She goes crazy when she realizes the cake is an ice cream cake, she begins screaming that it's not cake and starts stabbing it! It's pretty funny and has become a source of amusement in our household. Well, one day I started thinking about cake, and that saying, "you can't have your cake and eat it too". A saying that makes absolutely no sense to me. Never has. Never will. All dieting issues aside here, if you've got the friggin' cake, you're going to eat it. If you don't eat it, you don't friggin have it. You can have your cake and you can eat it too - it happens almost every year for my birthday - I have the damned cake, I ate the cake. So where in the world did this come from? I decided to look it up. Turns out it's been a tad misquoted. Anyhow, here's a direct paste (I hope that's allowed!) from Wikipedia:

To wish to have one's cake and eat it too or simply have one's cake and eat it (sometimes eat one's cake and have it too) is to want more than one can handle or deserve, or to try to have two incompatible things. This is a popular English idiomatic proverb, or figure of speech.

The phrase's earliest recording is from 1546 as "wolde you bothe eate your cake, and have your cake?" (John Heywood's 'A dialogue Conteinyng the Nomber in Effect of All the Prouerbes in the Englishe Tongue') alluding to the impossibility of eating your cake and still having it afterwards; the modern version (where the clauses are reversed) is a corruption which was first signalled in 1812.

Paul Brians, Professor of English at Washington State University, points out that the original and only sensible version of this saying is “You can’t eat your cake and have it too,” meaning that if you eat your cake you won’t have it any more. People get confused because we use the expression “have some cake” to mean “eat some cake,” and they therefore misunderstand what “have” means in this expression.[1] Alternatively, people understand that "have" and "eat" represent a sequence of actions, so one can indeed "have" one's cake and then "eat" it. Consequently, the literal meaning of the reversed idiom doesn't match the metaphorical meaning.

Well, now that makes a bit more sense. But I still won't be quoting it.

Guest Blog 1: Mama Mia

My first guest blog! This one is from Anne Marie, (drunkdramaqueen.blogspot.com), she said I could use it. I asked her. I have the email SAVED to prove it, in a court of law.

The events of this email took place in March of 2004. Just a typical idea: Hey, let's all go see Mama Mia!

Let me rephrase, just a typiceal idea that went awry. Like most of our outings. My commentary will be done like this

Lemme fill you in on a fun filled Saturday I spent in San Francisco this weekend. BACKGROUND
My two dear friends Shaleen and Steele and I , along with Shaleens mom Sharon- went to go see Mama Mia in San Francisco. What a wonderful show. I left my apartment at 9:30 am and went to meet Shaleen. It took us a while to get on the road- but we left at 11:00 and were on our way to the Richmond BART station. Shaleen borrowed Greg's car because we didn't want any car drama (her car has been acting funky- this will be very important later on in the story). With one minor re-route (Shaleen wasn't aware that the Richmond station was off of 80- she thought the Pittsburgh BART was what I was talking about) we were in the city and met Steele and went to the show.
-Show was FABULOUS- had a great time! Due to some great coworkers of Steeles (I worked at the Orpheum Theatre at the time) our seats were upgraded to Orchestra and we sat behind a 60 year old woman with a very interesting hair do... a cross between a Cockatoo and a chia pet.
HERE IS WHERE THE STORY BEGINS
We leave the theatre after the show and immediately walk into a RIOT. That big protest you read about and saw in the news this weekend?? Yep- yours truly was SMACK down in the middle of it- there were police with riot gear- thousands of them. So we quickly leave that mess and head to the Tonga room at the Fairmont (??) hotel for a drink. When we get the bill we freaked because we thought that they charged us 4 dollars for (what we thought were complimentary) mixed nuts on the table. Turns out we weren't reading the bill correctly- so we left. On the way out Shaleen and Sharon were in the ladies room and Steele and I were window shopping at the gift shop and froo-froo stores at the hotel. I made him smell my hands because the soap in the bathroom smelled nice. He did and agreed- and said that the men's soap didn't .. So I smelled his hand. Then we got goofy - at least we're not dogs. Or we'd be smelling each other's butts... WE STARTED TO PANTOMIME THAT IDEA- we turned around and the guy in the store was staring at us THROUGH THE WINDOW... I wonder what the hell he thought when he saw us sniffing each other!
Okay- back to the story- we leave the hotel.. And head to dinner . We eat at this great Burmese/Chinese food place where our waiter was wearing a tablecloth as a skirt- we were that nights entertainment.. We had these laughing fits and had a great time. We leave that place and go to catch a drink at the Gold Dust Lounge. An old Bordello that is now a bar- we couldn't find a place to sit- and leave..
Then we FIND A DEAD BODY.
In the middle of the sidewalk there was an over tipped wheel chair with a body covered in a blanket on it laying on the sidewalk not moving. And we didn't want to stay and check so we called 911 and reported it- (I called 911 and the operator actually wanted me to stay there and identify the body. I DIDN'T know the body! We just stumbled across it! None of us could identify it) then we went to the top of the Marriott to have another drink. (We needed a stiff one after that stiff one.) After we had our drinks, then walking to BART, this is where I said goodbye.  At 4:05 am my phone rang.  When your phone rings at 4:05 am it can only mean three things: someone has died or been seriously hurt - wasnt that, it's a booty call - darn, it wasn't that, or someone from your past or present is drunk dialing. Okay, it was none of the above, which means, a 4:05 am call can only mean one of four things, the fourth being: Anne Marie had drama after you said goodnight: We finally got back to the Powell street Bart station at 11:00 pm to finally realize that the last train to Richmond from there left at 7:00 pm. After having to scrape Shaleen off of the ceiling- we caught the train to Pittsburgh and transferred at 12th street. Made it safely to the car at midnight and headed home.
Right after Vacaville OUR TIRE EXPLODED AND CAUGHT ON FIRE.
Yes.. The tire severely blew- separated from the rim and caught on fire.(and we took Gregs car so we won't have car trouble) We called AAA and waited for the truck to come. I really had to pee at this point so I had to PEE BEHIND A ABANDONED OLDSMOBILE. We get the spare donut on and fill the rest of the tires up.. And head home... going 45 miles an hour.
We finally get to Sacramento where I realized all this time I had a hole in the crotch of my pants... Which sent Shaleen and I into fits of delirium. We pull into the parking lot of her apartment. She has to pee really bad- and the sprinkler had malfunctions and there was a 6 foot geyser covering the sidewalk to get to the apartment. I hear Shaleen scream.. I have to pee and Mt Vesuvius is blocking my way...
TO END THIS TALE,
I got home at 4:00 am... To sum it up- on Sat I-
Saw Mama Mia
Walked into a Riot
Saw a dead body
Had our Car tire EXPLODE AND CATCH ON FIRE
Peed behind an abandoned Oldsmobile
Had a hole in the crotch of my pants and didn't know
I am never leaving my bed again

Just another outing in our world....

A Primeira Entrada

Why blog?

I have no idea. It sounded like a good idea at the time.  Oh, how many tales start out with that line! Maybe we'll read a few of them here.  

Do I think anyone will read my blog? 

Sure, I'm sure all of my friends will read my very first one!

What do I want to do with this blog? 

I want it can be a place to share stories, both mine and yours, memories, rant and rave, make observations, pose questions, maybe answer a few, throw in some randomness, bitch about society, politics, "the man" (who is "the man"? Does anyone even talk about "the man" anymore?), learn more about the world we live in, maye even entertain a bit. 

Where did I get the name 'A Selva Escrita' (The Written Jungle) from? 

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love the jungle - the real jungle, not the concrete one.  I feel everyday we're in a jungle, a jungle of traffic, cell phones, deadlines, noise - it all makes me crazy.  Give me a tropical jungle any day.   That, along with the fact that the jungle is a mix of many different elements just seemed like a perfect idea both fitting who I am and the blog. I chose to write the title in Portuguese because it really does just sound cooler to say.  Say it now, even if you don't speak Portuguese: A selva escrita.  The written jungle.  A selva escrita.  There you go, now you're in my world.  No really, I own you. 

Questions? Comments?

Absolutely!! Let's keep this interactive and interesting! Also, it let's me know if someone is actually reading this!

How about a "guest blog"?

I think that would be fun- especially if I'm in your blog or your blog relates to a topic of interest to me, my friends, or "the man".

So that's it for the first entry.  Do I have to come up with a snazzy title for every entry after this one - sheeeesh.  Well, if I hit a mental block, I'll just change it to Portuguese!